


Afraid

by anakincanchokemethanks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Reader is Afraid of Commitment, References to Depression, References to Sexual Harassment, Sorry That This is Depressing rip, reader is touch starved, self indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakincanchokemethanks/pseuds/anakincanchokemethanks
Summary: Anakin finds the reader in a depressive state and comforts them.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Reader, Anakin Skywalker/Reader, Anakin skywalker/Gender-Neutral Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if you can't relate to some of the themes in here, this is purely self-indulgent. ❤

You blink, a pair of watery eyes stare ahead at the wall ahead of you. Tense hands grasp at the blankets that wrap around you in a cacoon, clutching on to what seemed like little reality you had.

You were in your head with what seemed like little escape.

Staring at the wall, feeling like it would close in around you at any given second, squeezing you in into a small confinement.

The walls would push inward, pressing forward until they began to crush your body, bones would break and you would keep screaming and screaming, except, you couldn't even hear yourself--the walls, soundproof.

No one would hear you scream even if you tried.

Though, that's what you believed.

You had been laying there all day, except to get up to go use the restroom or to get something to eat. Though it was rare. You had hardly eaten or gotten something to drink so you weren't up to use the restroom frequently. And of course, with this state your body was in, it completely ignored the need for food.

You hadn't meant for you to get like this. Normally you'd brush away those thoughts that would incline you to fall back into a depressive state, but somehow they had intruded your barrier and begun to bleed into your mind.

Words of depreciation crept into your mind, whispering into your ear with a harsh raspy voice, sharp talons withering away at your skull, reminding you of just how unworthy you were and how you didn't deserve any sort of love or appreciation.

You were foolish to believe the voices.

Even if that wasn't enough, these things would play with your memories, bringing up old ones that would bring you pain.

Memories specifically of... Foreign touches. Unwanted, foreign touches. Whispers of manipulation. Bribes to play your at thoughts, teasing you that it had been your fault and not theirs.

You would curse yourself for letting you trust someone like that. How could you let someone do that? How come you couldn't say no? Even when you did, he wouldn't stop? How come you couldn't see past his charming smile, his manipulative words of affirmation, or his ever-so-dreamlike body?

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

How could you have been so vulnerable? Where was the guard? Where was the wall?

It was nowhere to be found, of course.

Except for now.

Now they were up.

Now you wouldn't let anyone see past your thick barriers. You wouldn't even let anyone place a finger on you. If they did you'd tense up and jolt and remove yourself from their touch. You'd always done that. You'd freak out at the slightest sensation of love and support and curse yourself for letting someone even get that close to being able to do so.

Though, lately, it was strange that someone had come into your life to change that, except something was telling you that they secretly hated you.

Anakin Skywalker was the one who you had let into your life.

Both of you had tough barriers and it was hard for both of you to allow each other into your life, but he was letting his guard down easier than you were.

You two had been friends since you were both padawans and found out that you both had a soft spot for one another, as well as a strong bond within the Force.

Anakin had found it easy to become friends with you and that bond had made it that much easier.

Within this bond, however, you both knew how one another was feeling or the thoughts that raced through your mind.

Anakin could sense everything that was going on with you. Your pain, your hate, your anger. It was hurting him. He could feel the heavy weight of your helpless state on his shoulders and it weighed him down like thousands of bags of cement.

He turns, excusing himself from the meeting he was in, not bothering to inform anyone of where he was headed.

He quickly makes his way down the hall, his big brown cloak billowed behind him when his long legs took him to his destination.

He found himself at your door and knocked on it.

You didn't bother to let him know to come in so he invited himself inside.

"What's going on? I sensed that something was wrong," he says gently, letting the metal door slide closed behind him.

You stay silent, keeping your body turned away from him, not giving him any indication of anything.

"Hey." Anakin puts one foot in front of another slowly, testing the waters.

When you continue with your wordless state, he makes his way over to your bed and sits down on the edge, placing himself behind you, making sure that there was a gap between you both.

He sighs, knowing that you're not actually going to process any words to tell him what's wrong.

You were never good at expressing your emotions, so instead, he carefully lifts his left hand and hovers it over your shoulder, allowing himself to feel through the Force once more. His heart drops at the sensation of so much pain and conflict. He had to know the root of all of this.

"May I?"

You don't say anything, but instead, lift a small enough barrier to send a signal through the Force that it was alright.

Slowly, he places a gentle hand on to your shoulders making you tense up but you were quickly relaxed when he gave you a soft hum, his fingers gently caressing your shoulder, a nice, soothing sensation drifted in from the Force.

Anakin had never really been good at healing with the Force and had never harnessed it, but he was good at distributing even, calm energy with it.

He closes his eyes and uses his energy as a guide. A ribbon of gold weaves through the endless waves of black, knotted thread, passing through thick forests of heavy clouds of thunder.

He knits his eyebrows. Frustration began to grow within him when he realized the energy wasn't doing its job. Normally these waves of sadness would be cleared by now, as the ribbon would pass through them with ease, but this time it seemed overwhelming to the energy.

Nevertheless, he persists, determined to find the root of all of the raging thunder.

He digs deeper, letting the ribbon fly past and weave over and under, letting the ribbon view the different memories and all of the emotions and feelings. He allows for the energy to get close enough to see visuals and to feel the hurt himself--the ribbon seeping in with the black jungle of tangled-up emotion.

He treads carefully, though. This was a careful process, and if he got too close your energy would backfire on to his own energy and turn the ribbon to that of the black thread.

He decides to go in within this memory, a memory that the Force seemed to be drawing him into.

He pushes forward and sees images of feigned love, unwanted touches, and endless cries of help.

The image speeds up, his heart moves along with it, thudding along his chest as he feels every emotion and ache within you, every heartbroken cry and anxious thought, every little thing that would bring your brazen stature to that of a sunken figure.

But what's this? He presses forward once again and sees a new emotion form. He's tempted to get closer but--

_No._

He was too late, the ribbon within the forest was turning. He felt his body become suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and grief, a fast, beating heart began to thud faster, and soft, dry eyes began to swim with salty tears, his body became nothing but that of a cell and a chain.

_He needed to get out of there._

Quickly he pulls his hand away from you, blue eyes open wide and tears trickle down the side of his face and fast unsure breaths fly out of his lungs.

"I... " He breathed, turning around to face away from you. His palms find his eyes and quickly buries them there, letting his body try and recover from the overwhelming surge of emotion.

For a minute or two, you sit in silence, listening to Anakin's breathing slow down and the sounds of quiet sniffling.

You expect him to turn back to you once he's done recovering, but when he doesn't you decide to sit up.

"Anakin?"

He lets out a ragged breath, afraid hands find his hair, running his fingers through his hair in thought before turning to you.

Blue, sad eyes turn to you paired with red cheeks glittered with tear streaks.

"I'm so sorry... I had no idea you felt this way... I had no idea that this was going on..." He chokes, reaching to grab your hand, but instinctively you yank it away.

"It's... It's not your fault, Ani," you reply, wanting to grab his hand and comfort him, though you knew you'd hate the feeling of touching him.

"I know it's not," he seems to have calmed down now. "But please, listen to me, you need to know that you can talk to me whenever you're feeling like this."

You sneer at him, though you weren't sure why. Here he was, offering help, and yet you were ready to turn him away.

"I don't need _help_ , Anakin. I'm perfectly fine by myself." you narrow your eyes at him and cross your arms, putting up that barrier once again.

"Don't do this," he shifts closer to you, reaching to grab your hand but you scoot away from him, giving him a sharp glare.

" _Don't touch me_ , Anakin," you say harshly, making his eyes widen. "I'm fine."

"No, no you're not. Look at yourself," he gestures to you, and for the first time in a while, you look ahead of you and see yourself laying in the bed in the mirror with Anakin sitting next to you. "You're clearly not yourself, can't you see that?"

You look and see bags in your eyes that weren't necessarily there all the time, tousled hair, and clothes that you hadn't changed out of in a while. You feel your heart drop at the sight, knowing that Anakin was right.

"You only say you're fine because you're afraid. You're afraid to let someone in and see this composure because you're afraid of getting hurt again. Because you're afraid of love because you're afraid of acceptance. You can't express your emotion because you're afraid of judgment and people turning you away. I know this, and I _know_ how it feels, please, please, let someone into your life."

As you listen to Anakin's words, you can't help but feel how right he is. You downcast your eyes, your fingers begin to fiddle with one another nervously.

"I... But... What if someone hurts me again?" You say sheepishly, looking up to him with eyes beginning to tear up.

Anakin smiles softly at you and instantly you feel like breaking down into a sob, but that stubbornness stops you from expressing your emotion.

Slowly, he reaches for your hand in your arms, soft yet calloused fingers press onto your hand. Every instinct in your body alerts you to retreat but something inside of you tells you to accept it, and so, you let him. 

He pulls your hand out of your defensive arms and grasps it firmly, lifting your hand to his lips where he presses a soft kiss.

You cover your hand with your mouth and let out a sob, built of tears finally flood from behind their dam.

"That's okay, that's okay," he coos, his other hand finds your cheek and caresses it gently.

"I promise, I won't hurt you. Okay?"

Through choked tears, you let out a relieved sigh, grasping his hand back.

"Okay."

He smiles once again, gripping your hand tighter, placing it gently into his lap.

"You don't have to be afraid with me."


End file.
